Signed, X

I grew up in a house with a lot of family members. 

Big house, three floors, and each floor was their own little apartment. 

And on the bottom floor, my aunt, uncle and two cousins lived there. 

And I was always down there. 

 

My mom and aunt, there was a period of time where they would go out frequently at night, where there were obligations at church. 

My mom used to be a cabaret singer in the city, so she used to have gigs, and my aunt would go with her. 

Things like that.  

 

*

 

One evening while they were gone, I was asleep in the bed with my younger cousin. 

My uncle, he came in the room. 

And I remember just being woken out of my sleep. 

And I turn around and he was just kneeling on the side of me at the bed. 

And I'm just looking at him in a daze, because I just woke up. 

 

And I was like, why is he there?

 

He put his hand under my shirt and started touching my breast. 

I couldn't have words coming out of my mouth, and I literally just froze there. 

And while he was touching me, he was also touching himself. 

 

I just had an out of body experience

I'm like, "What is going on?  Is this what he's supposed to be doing?”

 

My mother never had “the talk” with me about sex. 

I knew nothing about what men and women do. 

But I knew it didn't feel right. 

 

I laid there, and I remember that happening and him leaving. 

And I just turned over, because my cousin, his daughter was in the bed next to me sleeping.

 

*

 

It happened another time. 

 

He came in and touched me in my vagina area, and he was masturbating at the same time. 

I just looked at him, and he was like, "Oh, you look so good.  You just turn me on." 

And in my brain, I don't even know what that means, you know?

 

And after the second time, I was like, "Ok Jo, you're not going to sleep down there when mommy's gone.  Just stay upstairs."

 

And any time I saw him in the day time it was always uncomfortable.

He would and give me these looks, what I know now to be sexual looks and looks of lust.  

Even before this happening, he would just hug me a little too tight or kiss me on the cheek a little too long. 

 

*

 

I never told anyone about it until maybe a year or two after.

 

{Jo was talking to her cousin, the older sister of the cousin who was in the bed with her that night.}

 

I don't know how we got on the conversation, but I was like, "Yeah, well, your father like did x, y, z to me." 

 

And she was like, "Me too." 

 

We were in her bedroom, and we literally just broke down crying, hugging each other. 

I was just like, damn, maybe I should have said something to her. 

We could have been there for each other. 

 

She probably was going through the same thoughts in her heard and not knowing how to tell anyone.